Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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