i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
