is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
