I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
