Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
