Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
