at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think your dad took our porno
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
