No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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