My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
