if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
