The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
