she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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