My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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