i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
