areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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