I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
