The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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