I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My room smells like vodka and shame
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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