just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
