It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
