my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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