He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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