More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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