I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
