Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We left the knife in your bed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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