is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
