The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
