I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
