Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
