This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
