I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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