I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
