Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
