Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
