I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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