dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Randomize
