I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
