In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
how can u be prego again
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
