Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
