You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
