sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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