If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
