i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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