This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
