don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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