we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
