i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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