Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
