Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
