Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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