Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
