It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
