I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
