She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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