When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
