Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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