We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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