The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You took a bar mat shot.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
