hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
