I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
