If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
